project hate myself less–failure

Pretty sure this was an exercise in futility, although I have learned a few things about myself for better or for worse.

1.  My self-worth is directly proportionate to how others view me.  As much as I tell myself I don’t care what anyone thinks, I’m lying to myself.

2.  My mental health is not so healthy right now as evidenced by anxiety attacks and stress induced chest pains.

3.  My marriage is in trouble and I no longer have the strength or desire to continue fighting for it.  When I’m the one that keeps getting knocked around, I just don’t have it in me to get back up.

4.  I don’t know how to keep the goals I set for myself.  I don’t know how to achieve them.  I don’t think they’re attainable.

5.  I wish I had the courage to end my misery, either with divorce or suicide.  But on both fronts, I am a coward.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s