project hate myself less–failure

Pretty sure this was an exercise in futility, although I have learned a few things about myself for better or for worse.

1.  My self-worth is directly proportionate to how others view me.  As much as I tell myself I don’t care what anyone thinks, I’m lying to myself.

2.  My mental health is not so healthy right now as evidenced by anxiety attacks and stress induced chest pains.

3.  My marriage is in trouble and I no longer have the strength or desire to continue fighting for it.  When I’m the one that keeps getting knocked around, I just don’t have it in me to get back up.

4.  I don’t know how to keep the goals I set for myself.  I don’t know how to achieve them.  I don’t think they’re attainable.

5.  I wish I had the courage to end my misery, either with divorce or suicide.  But on both fronts, I am a coward.

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