Project Hate Myself Less–day who knows 

I thought I had been making progress.  It’s year end and quarterly tax filing time at work, so I’ve been extremely busy even though the shop is in the slow season. I have even managed to leave it at work (or only work from home during work hours).  Money has been tight, but I was making it all work.  I had even found something to do that I enjoyed, was productive, and didn’t take me from my family and duties.

Except there was the problem.  I have been sorting and cataloging a trading card game I enjoy collecting and playing.  I have about 3,000 cards so I had a card table and two tv trays set up around my chair in the living room.  Three days.  I was half done, feeling a sense of accomplishment, keeping my mind busy.  The t.v. trays were only up for one evening.  My husband saw them and had a fit.  I was taking up the whole living room (really about a third).  Why didn’t  i take down the Christmas tree first?  How could I just take up the room?  He’d never be able to do that.  He’s not even able to keep his exercise bike in the living room.  (Forget the fact that I took an entire day to make a space that was only a few feet from the living room to store it, and he carries it in every day while he takes over the entire downstairs to exercize.)

I caved to him.  I put all of my stuff away, ruining days of work.  Yes, I’ll fight and argue, some would even say I’m standing up for myself, but I’m not.  He got what he wanted, he won’t be inconvienced.  

Once again, I have nothing.  He says find something out of the house.  Well he has judo Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday morning when he’s off work and not at a DYD class.  The kids have activities Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.  Yes, he helps transport, but it takes both of us to make sure homework is complete, they are fed, and get them to where they need to be.

I’m starting to wonder if it’s me I really hate, or if it’s the me I become in reaction to him.


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